i juz feel tat sumtimes life isn't worth living. i fel like i'm an idiot. i feel so fat. my biggest insecurity in life is weight issue. i spend most of my teenage years.. trying so hard to reduce my weight.. now almost half my teen years went by.. i haven made tat dreams cum true..

rite bah, perhaps dreams has an effect in life. my long time dream is to slim down. but what haf i faired so far?

I felt so nothing. feel so numb. feel so ugly, i juz wish sumbody push me down the stair n i remain un-conscious..

I dunnno la.

i knew ppl encourage me to look back and reflect.. but tat doesn't help me at all.

I feeel so dumb.

yet i noe living on is still my prior choice. despite these pain.. i think i choose to live on.

i wanted so much tohaf a chopper and slice awae a few pounds of my flesh.

can i?

Todae I worked at toa payoh selling baggies.. EeekS, not much sales but it's kinda alritez. I was being snapPEd!

U noe wad, i was serving a customer and suddenly, "PIAK!", Loud.. Soon to my realisation.. My Strap SNAPPED! Oh SHIT! a 2nd time! daMmiT, Tat's my fav Br*. HeLLisH! I was lucky nobody heard it..what else can i do.. hai.. remove it slowly as i hide behind the BAgs~ So maLu.. (z_z)

Wad's worse was.. the other strap had snapped months back.. N HELL! Now it snapped AgaiN! I SWEAR! I'm NOT BUYING PIERRE CARDIN AniMORE! ( at least not.. buying ..errm.. tat size..?)

fortunately, it didn't "hurt" me.. I'Ll screaM! HeLL! TooPid PierRe CarDiN! GRrrHHh! hahah! yesterdae i was working like a Office gerl! i went to ALjunied first to collect a stamp for the company, den back to the office. i tot i culd rest, but dey ask mi to go to raffles place to end a doc. for verificaition, den go to tiong bahru to submit the doc. ARh~! i was runnig everywhere. But it was kinda exciting! hahah! JUz like a typical office gerl man! hahah! =P

Ying n kenny oso came to accompany me. HAi donno wad's wrong wif kenny boi.. he's like so depressed recently. kinda worried for him. He's my good buddy~ hai~ kinda sad to see him lidat. I hope in time he'll see how much we lurve him. Keke

 HAppie deepavali By the wae! I was busy wif work tese few daes.. like a robot, working in the office. My muscles on the left arms sure bigger den the ones on the rite. hae hae! But it was cool la uh, in an office. keke!

Todae i went to Paragon wif Darling. I wanted to buy Lingerie! So cheap! Calvin Klein UndieS 3 for 50 bucks! oOO!! so nice man! i wanted to buy la uh.. but wait til' i get my pay~ Arrghh.. there' so mani tings to buy but so little money. kekee~! 

So my thot of the day was.. possible for me to shed 4kgs in a 3weeks? i nid comments! (Kip rollin' in plZ!) IS it kinda unhealthy? haiya.. donno lehh.. AM i still fat? aiya..

haehae!! chio anot~!! HAHAHAH~! =P nahZ.. juz kidding.. i wuldn't haf that gutSy.. d-Uh~ heeeZ.. wait N seee bah~! =P

Shopping around orchard road, Saw so mani perfect figure. How big can my envy grow? Veri Big~ I donno wad exactly i was thinking. but i juz thot, maybe sumtimes life's nv perfect for everyone. Deep in their heart, there's this unreachable part. there will alwaes be sum flaws or smthing tat's disturbing in everyone. mayb got long armpit hair tat haf super growing speed? keke~

I wanted to thank Michelle n eileen.. Cuz they thot mi this, they told me, they still Lurve me and accept me as who i'm. I felt like sumthing juz drop off my mind, at ease, Finally. Michelle told me, I shuld b proud of the stretched marks scarring My whole body. These stretched marks r my Achievements. Sumthing i can show off to the PPlE out there. I Did it. And oso mani PPle who encourage me all the wae, Like Ying Kenny Lai Sheau Harn SUmitha Huina n my darling. I juz felt so blissed by these PPl i met in life. A wonderful world i'm living in.. So sweet..for these imperfection of me, to them, is nothing.

True Enuff, all these little sweetness they gaf me makes me felt so warm.. I know they get tired hearing me say "I grow fat liao leh!" keke, especially Im.. haaa~! and Jeremy~! keke~! hah~! It's kinda silly of me, hae hae~ but i think tat's how i irritate them man! keke~! Evrytime i met my old fren, i will ask them "hey I got grow fat anot!" hahah!  I will Work harder~ to achieve more~ becuz i lurve my frens too, i muz learn to lurve myself. kee~! thanks GuyS~ N thanks.. Darling.

I had a wonderful weekend wif my darling.. I felt sO satisfied.. I mizz Him so muChie.. finally gotta see him on weekends. Juz lurve the times spent wif him. It make me decide to spend my whole life wif him.. =P I like to irritate him alot..=P he's got so Much Patience wif me~! HAe HAe!

Yesterday i went to A voluntary camp briefing..grrrhH~! met a bunch of crappers wif attitude. Frm NJ.. CW was his name. Wad a Smart ASSS.. Can't gif ani contributions still dare to oPPose! I'm not a discriminator but i hate him~( HAAA.. see the ReAL ME?) It was kinda boring la, becuz we act like the Extras over there. THe NJCs ppl are enjoying entertaining themselves. HAHA~

AND And AND! haah~ there was this guy tat showed sum Interest to My gal Fren Mic. HAe hAe~! i Counted the times he tried to *BiO* my fren. Me N EiLeen n YAni betted on the times! HHAHHAHA! I bet 23, eileen betted 20! She WON! ARHH! hahah~! but if we wanna realli put the numbers into statistic.. i can say it's more den 3 times. HAHA~ GuYS.. FOREVER. HAHAH~! I jUZ LurVe diSTURBING THEM~! =P HAHAHA! I'M EVIL! Aren't I! HAHAAAHA! And my Poor Mic, she got so *GRRRRrrrHHH* wif Jeremy eileen and me! HAAAHHA! =PpP

Oh ya~! I Oso Lurve to disturb Yani! heees! cuZ his bf alwaes disturb me in classs! HmpH~!H YAnI isHHHhhhh shOoOOO cUte!!!!! She's got big big eyes and her smile glows~ Haehae! whenever i disturb her, she juz smile~ gawd~! haha~!

When we were having lunch at the KoPi Diam, sumthing ODD HAPPPENEDDDDDD... There was this A pek, he walked passed our table.. he stared at me for a moments. and subsequently, he kept turning back and stare a few more time at me.. I exchange looks wif NAsh.. and he LAUGHED hiS HEAD OFFF~! GAWD!

it was fun lah indeeed. heeees!

HAe Hae~! I was at the Salon @ CozMo~! Hees, this was when they bleached my hair b4 they colour purple.. keke.. well, it was kinda nice! alritez lah, although my hair colour wasnt so obvious, but it kinda satisfy me! hoho~! it was fuN~!!  Well, ying today trim layers.. it was the first time man! i guess sumbody will fall in lurve wif Her DEEEEEEplY! *hint Hint* haha!

Today I was thinking about alot of things. I Saw many gerls, they looked so perfect. Slim legs, tall, big boobs, big eyes, long hair, slim almost like those of Fiona Xie (36-24-36), tat was like BlarDy Good~! I was GRReeeN wIF envY~!

Suddenly, it juz came thru' my mind. Akira said this juz this week.. She told me, "god is fair, he gaf every ger 2 choices of possession. A good heart, good look or good body. Sum of the gers haf good looks and good body, but they lack a good heart. Now i think god is unfair. Because u almost Got 3!"

I din feel tat wae though.. thots were processing in my brain. Was She true? i don feel that wae. Sumtimes i wish i haf everything to b a perfect ger, (36-24-36 =P) but i realise perhaps HAllucinating toOO muCh is not Good For health! =P

I juz feel that i don worth the 3 qualities. I juz feel lost. What do i actuallie haf? was it nothing at all? I don see anything in me.  I need sumone to tell me. Everyday.. tell me How good i'm or what i'm in life.

Neverthless, i still lurve the way i'm. I believe no matter how ugly i am, life still carries on. I LurVe My life. I Lurve my darling too.. Cuz without fail, He alwaes tell mi How important i'm, in life, to him. without him, i may not see wad's within me sumwad. I lurvE U, darling Mel..

HaElOoZ~! HAHA~! ThiS My 2nd time doing Blog~! Thanks To kenny! MuaHAHAH~! Alrite~! I was So happY~! ANd HAppy HAppy HApppY~! I finished exams! i Watched DOll MAster! I Went to Eat SAkAe! Wif Eileeen Mi.. Mi.. MiCheeelllle and Hairyyy Jeremyyy~! And i SAW THE IDOLS!!!! wAahahahaha! So Shiok~!